If You Like This You Should Watch:  Spanglish, Couple’s Retreat, Hot Tub Time Machine
Better Than:  Role Models, Click
Worse Than:  Funny People, Big Daddy

Starring: Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Chris Rock, David Spade, Rob Schneider, Salma Hayek, Maria Bello

Most guys have a group of friends that gather together on occasion and reminisce about the “good ol’ days” with inside jokes and some good-natured ribbing on one another. Most guys also know that there is nothing funnier than when you tell countless “inside jokes” and your side hurts from laughing so much. So one would think there would be nothing funnier than a movie about those times, right? The difference here is that those jokes are only funny because they are your inside jokes. This entire film I felt like I was sitting at a 15-year college reunion amongst a group of friends that I was not a part of. Let me tell you, as funny as your own inside jokes are, it’s just as annoying and unfunny to be a part of someone else’s running inside jokes. That is Grown Ups in a nut shell.

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If You Like This You Should Watch:  SWAT, Starsky & Hutch
Better Than:  Miami Vice, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, The Dukes of Hazard
Worse Than:  The Fugitive

Starring: Bradley Cooper, Liam Neeson, Quinton “Rampage” Jackson, Sharlto Copley, Jessica Biel

“In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’t commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire… The A-Team.” [Insert theme: dah dah-dah-dah, dah-dah dah].  There is no more memorable opening to a show or more easily-recalled theme than that of the 80’s TV hit, The A-Team. This was in fact one of The Movie Mind’s favorite all-time shows of my youth. Needless to say, I was highly anticipating the release and had some very lofty expectations. My advice to you true fans of the original series is to be patient. I was nitpicking the entire opening 20 minutes about what a butchering they did to the story and characters, but was pleasantly surprised to find out they were merely providing some back-story to the opening dialogue about the “crime they didn’t commit”. While they went a bit longer on that segment than needed, it did provide a backdrop to all the young viewers who probably never even heard of Mr. T.

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If You Like This You Should Watch:  Iron Man, Batman Begins
Better Than:  Spider-Man, Hulk, Fantastic Four, X-Men
Worse Than:  The Dark Knight

Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow, Mickey Rourke, Don Cheadle, Scarlett Johansson

Robert Downey Jr. is back for a follow-up of the original Iron Man where his performance in it completely rejuvenated his career. In this much anticipated sequel, Downey manages to put in another strong performance, and along with a stellar cast, Iron Man 2 exceeds the hype building up to it. It’s always hard to compare sequels with the original because there is so much anticipation that the sequel rarely ever fulfills. The Movie Mind isn’t saying this sequel was better than the original, but I sure do think it was in the same league. Downey was even funnier this time around; the supporting cast was even better with strong performances from Mickey Rourke and Sam Rockwell, and the action was gripping. There were still a few holes in the story, most notably the National Lampoon’s-like swap of Don Cheadle for Terrance Howard (Col. Rhodey), but it did not derail the overall entertainment.

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If You Like This You Should Watch:  The Tournament, Death Race
Better Than:  Hmmmm…nope, I got nothing.
Worse Than:  The Condemned, 300

Starring: Gerard Butler, Amber Valetta, Michael C. Hall

What’s worse than a horribly atrocious movie that has zero redeeming qualities or entertainment value at all? A horribly atrocious movie with zero redeeming qualities or entertainment value that attempts to make a profound statement about society. *Note to filmmakers everywhere: if you are putting together 2 hours of slop…at least make it lighthearted slop and don’t attempt to testify on the state of our world. It only makes you look stupid(er). The Movie Mind can tolerate some fairly bad movies and as you know I am not afraid to be critical, sometimes even a bit overly critical. Take my word for it when I say there are no words strong enough to convey the level of trash and nonsense ths poor excuse of a movie amounts to. On top of that (as if it needed anything else)…it’s completely unoriginal.

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  The Movie Mind Quiz #6
…for real movie fans’

[Respond with your answers in the comments section. The real answers will be posted tomorrow.]

Q: Complete the following quote from Kenny Powers in Eastbound & Down, when he discusses Principal Cutler’s triathlon training regimen: I play real sports. I’m not trying to be the best at ____________.

Q: In Semi-Pro, what was the name of Jackie Moon’s ABA team he owns, coaches, and plays for?

Q: Harold Faltermeyer’s iconic electro-synthesizer song, Axel F, was named after what movie (in particular, what movie character)?  

Q: What team does Pete Bell (Nick Nolte) coach in Blue Chips? BONUS: Name Shaquille O’Neal’s character.

Q: In Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story, what were the names of the two gyms that compete in the Dodgeball finals (Vince Vaughn’s team and Ben Stiller’s team)?

Q: What notable TV-mobster played “Spider” in his early days, a young wannabe gangster who serves drinks to the poker-playing dons and gets bullet-ridden as a reward for his backtalk in Goodfellas? 

Q: What actor/actress was in the following three films: Extract, Hancock, Up in the Air?

Q: Name the movie, actor, and character’s name who is responsible for the following quote: “You’re talking to me all wrong… It’s the wrong tone. You do it again and I’ll stab you in the face with a soldering iron. Hey, tell me, does your mother sew? BOOM. Get her to sew that!”

Q: Which of the following Wes Anderson films did Bill Murray NOT have a part in: The Royal Tenenbaums, The Darjeeling Limited, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, Bottle Rocket, Rushmore, Fantastic Mr. Fox?

Q: In Bad Boys II, what kind of workers do Will Smith and Martin Lawrence pretend to be in order to get into drug kingpin Johnny Tapia’s house?

[ANSWERS BELOW]

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If You Like This You Should Watch:  The Man Who Knew Too Little, Get Smart, Pineapple Express
Better Than:  Fun With Dick & Jane, Did You Hear About the Morgans?
Worse Than:  The 40 Year Old Virgin, Blind Date

Starring: Steve Carell, Tina Fey, Mark Wahlberg

Struggling for something to say about a movie is not something The Movie Mind typically deals with. I think the fact that it is happening with my review of Date Night says more about the film than it does about my lack of witty descriptive phrases. It’s like I forgot what I wanted to say about it. In fact, forgettable is probably the most appropriate thing to say after all. Not necessarily forgettable in a bad way, just not very memorable. After watching the movie, it felt like something I’ve seen a dozen times and was never really surprised or caught off guard by anything, from the jokes to the plot. For a film that bills itself on a crazy night out on the town, it makes for a very ordinary one to those going to see it.

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I wasn’t quite sure what was worse: Chris Berman’s appearance to be hammered, stoned, or both, or the fact that I almost felt bad for Mel Kiper Jr. I never thought that could ever happen but I found myself slightly empathetic to the self-proclaimed “draft guru” for the simple fact that he looked like a 3rd string guard just looking for the game to get out of hand so he could pick up some garbage time. The guy spends 363 days of every year of his life preparing for this event and he was given about as much respect as the Philadelphia Eagles by NY fans during their selection. Normally, his near-creepy ability to recite a player’s height to the sixteenth of an inch and weight to the ounce (including whether it’s before or after big lunch) would freak me out, but it became comical as he inserted the stats at odd points in the telecast just to prove he has a photographic memory of these kids’ physiques.

If Mel was the 3rd stringer who desperately wanted to come off the bench and provide a surge of energy, then Berman was Rasheed Wallace and Dennis Rodman (the Celebrity Rehab version) rolled into one. He might have considered himself Chris Matthews at a presidential debate by trying to spur awkward lulls in the conversation, but he came off more like your crazy drunk uncle at Thanksgiving who constantly changes the conversation to whatever Mike Tyson-like rant that pops into his head at the time. I actually think I heard him blurt out, “So, how ’bout them Cowboys?”. And as for his outbursts directed toward some poor offscreen PA who probably makes $6 per hour, it’s just plain pathetic. One would think such a “titan” in the industry would have learned his lesson after videos of some other of his off-camera tyraids previosuly became published for all to see his ire. Instead, we were rewarded once again and can clearly see why ESPN tries to keep him in the closet most of the time these days.

After Berman’ constant blunders, there were Young’s. Apparently Steve Young annointed himself as the most important man to ever speak about football. He regularly interrupted and spoke over everybody on multiple occassions. At one point, Berman and Young looked like they were going to throw down. As for Tom Jackson, he looked as defeated and dejected as any of them. I think he might have actaully threw up his hands during a Young, Gruden, and Berman rant and said, “to hell with this”.

Rounding out the worst commentary I’ve ever seen was Coach Chuckie (aka Jon Gruden). While he probably made the most insightful comments during the broadcast, his outright disdain for anyone who is not a Super Bowl winning coach such as himself was palpable. He and Mel shared what must have been a hilarious joke that ended in Gruden proclaiming someone a “dumb-ass”, during what was supposed to be an off-camera exchange.

Overall I have to say it might have been the worst coverage of a live event I have ever witnessed. It was a bigger train-wreck than Jim Grey interviewing Pete Rose. I actually found myself flipping over the NFL Network at times hoping to listen to some wisdom from Deion Sanders…could you imagine??!! ESPN had so few interviews with players and such guesswork of the picks that they should be ashamed of the broadcast. I never, ever, ever, thought I would long for more Mel Kiper Jr., but just letting him spout off about how teams passing on Jimmy Clausen was the worst move ever would have certainly been more entertaining than this.  Here’s an idea for ESPN for the last 2 dasy of the draft: cut half the talking heads from the desk. I know the “less is more” theory is merely a sick joke at ESPN, but it can only help. Let’s also put Berman out to pasture where he has belonged for years. I’d rather listen to a couple of real fans discuss the draft over a few beers than these frauds any day of the week.

If You Like This You Should Watch:  Black and White, The Wrestler
Better Than:  The Blind Side
Worse Than:  Raging Bull

Starring: “Iron” Mike Tyson

After watching the initial screening of the film in his namesake, Tyson was asked by director James Toback what his opinion on the film was. After sitting in silence for a while, a somber Tyson responded, “It’s like a Greek tragedy, only I’m the subject.” The Movie Mind never expected Mike Tyson to sum up this introspective picture better than anyone else who has seen the movie. But then again, there were a lot of things that were unexpected in this film. If you end up with a somewhat more sympathetic view of Mike after viewing this, you should. It was told solely in the first person, by Tyson himself, in the rawest, most real, and startling revelation about one of our time’s most complicated individuals. Shot concurrently with Tyson’s stint in rehab, we get an unfiltered look into the mind of someone who is more complex than any fictitious movie character ever created. Falling from greatest in the world to the most polarizing figure in my time, his story is gripping and fascinating. Whatever your opinion you have formed long ago about Mike Tyson, you need to watch this film. Whether your view on him changes or not, you will certainly see how and why, in his opinion, this once great individual unraveled in spectacular fashion. We can only wonder if he will be able to one day conquer his deep-seeded mental demons now that the people who used him no longer need him.

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If You Like This You Should Watch:  Spelling Bee’s, Checkers, Old people crossing the street
Better Than:  Toss up between Valentine’s Day and Fool’s Gold for worst film of recent time
Worse Than:  The Movie Mind’s first film creation ever: a 12 minute VHS home video of me doing the Hulk-a-maniac workout when I was 8 years old

Starring: Ashton Kutcher, Anne Hathaway, Julia Roberts, George Lopez, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Jamie Foxx, Bradley Cooper

As if the “Hallmark Holiday” itself isn’t painful enough, there is a new reason to loathe Valentine’s Day. The reason is: Valentine’s Day (the movie). I want to make it clear that I don’t particularly hate the day (I can’t call it a holiday), I just merely take it for what it is: a well-constructed marketing concept by some fictitious flower/chocolate/greeting card conglomerate. I couldn’t have summed up the issues I have with Valentine’s Day (the day) better than how the heaping pile of on-screen garbage called Valentine’s Day (the movie) did it for me. When I tell you this movie was painful, unless you’ve been to Guantanamo Bay or endured Jack Bauer-type torture you can’t begin to understand what I mean. Aside from the obnoxious Valentine’s Day sentiments hurled nonstop at the audience, this was the worst piece of filmmaking and storytelling I have seen. At times it made Fool’s Gold look like an Oscar Best Picture winner.


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It’s amazing that the NFL still takes  the high road when it comes to gambling on its game. All of the ESPN tlaking heads chastize the practice of gambling on football yet every one of the former mediocre players/coaches/GM’s-turned-talentless schills will make their “picks”…versus the point spread of course. They will all discuss Indy  being a 5 1/2 point favorite in one breath and then spit on Tim Donaughey  in the next. They will talk about covering the spread but still losing the game, yet make a case for keeping Pete Rose out of the HOF . Roger Goodell and David Stern all play the matyr, yet they also realize deep down that they would have about 30% of the viewing audience if gambling wasn’t rampant in their sports.

Gambling on sports has gone through a transformation in the past decade or so. While people always bet on games, it is no longer only through your “guy” or wacky Unlce Sevvy. Online gambling is massive and in the forefront and it only keeps getting bigger. Fantasy Sports, DirecTV’s NFL Sunday Ticket, office pools, and the increased availability of online gambling means on one way or another, the majority or people watching the Super Bowl will have some kind of underground financial outcome riding on the game…or maybe just how many times Kim Kardashian’s mug gets on TV.

With that in mind, I hope you take a look at some of the more comical, entertaining, and just plain weird proposition bets on the Super Bowl XLIV. It used to be that betting on the coin toss was considered crazy, now there’s something for everyone out there, whether it has to do with the game itself or not at all. If they don’t interest you or you don’t gamble, then I applaud you. But I’m willing to bet 5-1 that says something in this list will catch your eye!

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