With the emergence of streaming video and live TV, The Movie Mind’s Rating System has started to resemble an outdated business model, much like the now defunct Blockbuster. No longer do we run out to the local video store and scan the walls lined with new DVD releases like the movie-fans’ own Dewey Decimal system. There is very little “window shopping” as most movie decisions are made from a Google search or streaming advertisement on your phone. Yes the times they are a-changin’ and it’s time The Movie Mind jumped aboard.
The ratings may be new but the premise hasn’t changed. True movie ratings are not about giving “two thumbs up” like we’re deciding on whether a Gladiator lives or gets fed to the lions. It’s not about stars, or tomatoes, or any other type of condiment or galactic object. The Movie Mind tells it like it is and the ratings reflect that. You know when you should watch the film, how you should watch it, what other films it’s better and worse than, and maybe you’ll even find out why I felt that way.
The Movie Mind’s reviews and commentary are meant to entertain the real movie fans and provide some information that you can actually use. Any life advice or philosophical perspectives you take from it means you need some friends and should probably be reading more (and I don’t mean the back of the cereal box). I’m not interested in inundating you with obscure literary references and details or cinematographic elements you could have learned by opening IMDB or taking a 30-minute online film class. I am a fan of movies and my reviews are written and rated from that perspective.
The NEW “Official” ratings for The Movie Mind are as follows:
• Wait for Basic Cable: When the only way a movie can get some kind of viewership is by plugging their 2 hour piece of crap onto one of the few channels not overflowing with Kardashian reruns, it’s not a good sign. This rating reflects the classic Sunday afternoon hangover special you watch from the comfort of your own bed when you could care less if you fall asleep halfway through it.
• Wait for Streaming Video: It’s a decent option to watch on a portable device (not factoring loss of film quality and resolution) like your computer or iPad if you’re on a plane or a train and need to kill some time, but you can find better things to watch in your home on the big screen TV…like for instance Beverly Hills Cop for the 73rd time!
• Add to Bottom of Netflix Delivery List: Most of the decent movies will fall into this category. For reference, The Movie Mind’s list is about 56 deep right now so it might be a while before you see it. This rating means the film is good enough to watch at some point if you are paying for unlimited movies, but you’re not missing out on anything by waiting a little while. Editor’s Note: I contemplated removing these clowns because of their price hikes and dividing up the services, but I’ll give them a chance for redemption.
• Move to Top of Netflix Delivery List: When you are confronted with the “Move to Top” option after adding a movie to your queue, you need to be sure it’s better than the ones already on there. This rating means it’s worth bumping all the others to see it right away. You better just hope there’s not a “Short Delay” next to it.
• Go To Movie Theater: This remains a high rating because of the nonsense and expense a trip to the theater has become. A movie with this rating better be worth fighting for a parking spot, $14 tickets, annoying teenagers, and the weirdo wearing a sombrero in front of you to go out and see it.
• Buy It: Even though there is no “need” to buy movies anymore, this rating remains the top billing specifically for that reason. The Movie Mind’s physical collection of movies is a badge of honor and films with this rating mean they are still worthy of adding to your personal collection and watching numerous times. You should still go see it in the movie theater and then buy it when it becomes available on Blu-Ray or DVD.