Movie Mind Says: I’d rather have Godzilla step on me than watch this again

Starring: Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Ken Watanabe, Bryan Cranston

godzilla

Let’s get the caveats out of the way first: I am generally not a huge a fan of Sci-Fi flicks, and my only real interest in the story or background of Godzilla during my life was relating him to the Lizzie the Lizard character in the phenomenal arcade game, Rampage. The logical question might be, “So why go to the theater to see Godzilla, Movie Mind?” Easy: there were slim pickings over the Memorial Day holiday and when you get the chance to go catch a flick because there’s babysitters for the twin mini-Movie Minds, you go. Now that I’ve set the table, any hardcore Godzilla fans or Sci-Fi freaks might want to stop here.

This was one of the worst movies I have EVER seen. Let me also qualify that by telling you that I actually watched it in 3-D, and without the sheer novelty of that, it would have been in the running vs. Fool’s Gold for the worst movie. EVER. This was so bad that Mrs. Movie Mind and I spent the last 15 minutes of the film laughing (mostly out loud) at the pathetic attempts for a crescendo.

Bryan Cranston made the first few minutes relatively tolerable, but even he was left exposed with an extremely slow developing pace. If you didn’t know the name of the movie, you’d think it was a PSA for an anti-nuclear power group. The film crawls along at a snail’s pace for about an hour and by that time I’m already irritated. Little did I know, that first hour would end up being best part of the movie.

I’m going to give some specifics now, so if you actually want to waste 2 hours of your life and $15 in your wallet, you should stop reading. You may call it a SPOILER ALERT…I’m calling it an Intervention:

Let me cut to the chase. Godzilla ends up being the good guy and saves the world against the other evil Gozilla-like creatures called MUTOs. If you sit around for the first hour and a half waiting to catch a glimpse of oh I don’t know, Godzilla, you will be utterly disappointed by the actual fight/action scenes with him and those Mothra rip-offs. You’ve got 3 very large creatures on some kind of nuclear powered steroids that destroy entire cities and armies with each step. Yet, Godzilla almost kicks the bucket after a building falls on him and the MUTO guy goes muerto after a simple tail-whack. It’s brutal.

I don’t even want to start on the corniest of endings in movie history when super-soldier Ford Brody somehow manages to find his kid and wife, alive, in a stadium of a few hundred thousand people, after the entire country was trampled to smithereens. Maybe that would be nitpicking. More likely though it will spare me the need of giving you any more reasons to avoid seeing this film that belongs in the worthless piles of rubbish that Godzilla and friends left in their wakes.

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