SPOILER ALERT (for the 8 people in the world who haven’t yet seen the finale)

Going through Breaking Bad withdrawal yet? Me too. I hope one day there is a flash forward show for the remaining Breaking Bad cast that still had a pulse as of the last episode (which means not too many of them). I’d call it a reunion show, but it wouldn’t quite fit into the same box as A Very Brady Christmas or have the same warm feeling as the cast of Full House reuniting in Hawaii. Until that happens, The Movie Mind is here to ease some of that separation anxiety by shedding some light on where your beloved (or despised) characters wind up a decade from now. So breathe easy knowing that your brain will not explode wondering what happened to the rest of the character’s storylines that were not fully tied up in as nice a bow as a mass murder closing can muster.

Walt Jr. (aka Flynn)

You’d be delighted to know that Flynn has taken the $9.72M trust fund begat to him by the Schwartz’ and made quite a name and living for himself in the ol’ family business. No you sick bastards, he’s not cooking meth…he’s taken his departed Uncle Hank’s famous SchraderBrau concoction and turned it into the hottest micro-brew on the market. Think of all the beer-snob yuppies deciding between Brooklyn Lager, Cisco’s Whale Tale Pale Ale, and SchraderBrau. Do you want to drink the beer that caters to skinny-jean loving hipsters, the one held by dudes who wear pink pants and drive BMWs, or the one with a backstory where the inventor was a DEA Agent killed by former partners of his methamphetamine kingpin brother-in-law whose son turned into a global beer brand using the laundered millions left to him through his dad’s last threat on the CEO of a Fortune500 scientific research company. I’d like to see The Most Interesting Man in the World beat that.

While the brand speaks for itself, the quality of beer was given a kick in the arm by Flynn and his inherited scientific mind with concoctions like Pancake & Syrup flavored SchraderBock. Word is that he was offered a buyout by Coors Brewing but turned it down when they revealed their plan to have him create a Schrader CrystalBlue-berry beer.

The Lambert Sisters (aka Skyler and Marie)

Sky and Marie ended up moving in together for about 5 years after Walt’s death, only to become estranged again after both re-entered into some nefarious relationships. Sky lost the car wash when it was seized as DEA assets, and after ditching her taxi dispatch career she ended up remarried to a local cop after becoming close to him through his investigation of her involvement in the tax fraud and subsequent threat of Ted Bennake.

While Sky couldn’t  stomach being the wife of a crime lord anymore, Marie became linked to a two-bit local thief after getting back into her shoplifting ways. As a matter of fact, one can wonder if Marie was actually all that pissed about Walt trying to frame her husband and ultimately being responsible for his death, or if she just couldn’t understand how easily he became a criminal mastermind for 2 years before getting caught when she couldn’t walk out of an open house with an ugly chotchki before getting nabbed red handed.

Saul Goodman

Since we don’t have to wonder how Saul got his start in shady legal endeavors thanks to plans from Breaking Bad creator Vince Gilligan to have a spinoff prequel featuring Better Call Saul, we’re only left to wonder what became of him after he tells Walt, “it’s over”. You know he wasn’t going to stay in Nebraska managing that Cinnabun for long which is why he heads into the next best thing to defending two-bit criminals: Used Car Sales. I mean he was cut out of the same cloth with his lawyer character so why not roll into Amarillo TX in a ten gallon hat (since he had to cut his comb over to “blend in” more) wheeling and dealing great deals on used Chevy’s which may or may not have had “minor flood damaged engines”?

Jesse Pinkman

Man I wish there was a better story to tell for Mr. Pinkman. I would have loved to report that he drove that car straight from Nazi-prison hell into Colorado where he wouldn’t have had to shave or comb his hair to blend right in. He would’ve been an expert craftsman building smooth, shiny, wood boxes to put stuff in and peddled them at Farmers’ Markets every weekend while settling down with a nice girl with dreads who ran her own LEGAL pot store. Instead, we find out that he was stopped by the cops 2 miles down the road from the Nazi compound and after telling them his entire story (including the part about being Hank’s secret informant), was sent to prison for 25 years since everyone he blamed had conveniently been gruesomely murdered. Damn that makes me sad…screw it, let’s stick with the hemp-shop girlfriend and woodmaking story.

Huell

Is still in that hotel room we last saw him in. Ok, too easy. We know he likely had a TV on in that room in between pizza and Chinese food deliveries. So he must have seen Walt was arrested, and then died. I think it prompts Huell to flee New Mexico for the sunny beaches of Miami where he gets a gig doing personal security for someone who this time could USE a comb-over: LeBron James.

Skinny Pete & Badger

Both of them ended up blowing through the $10k Walt handed them on a 10 hour meth-binge right when Walt kicked them out of the car. Now homeless and broke, they hitchhiked to California where they found a TV producer named Andy Cohen who paid them $1MM each to tape a new reality show called The Real Former Street Dealers of Heisenberg where they spend all day using meth and talking about Star Trek / Babylon 5 spinoffs.

Holly White (Lambert)

Little Holly is almost a teenager now and thankfully she doesn’t remember much of her dad or youth since if she did, this update would surely end with the phrase “on the pole”. Instead, she’s a science wiz and the youngest Stanford grad who plans on heading up the R&D department for Grey Matter Inc. and giving the due to her dear ‘ol beloved dad.

Carol (the neighbor)

After her property value declined by almost 80% from living next store to the run-down former home of a meth kingpin, Carol is foreclosed on by the bank and forced to move into a group home and live on welfare. Geez, poor Carol.

7 Barrels Filled with ~ $70 Million

I hope I’m not the only one that’s concerned about where the remaining $70 Million in barrels of cash are after the demise of the Nazi’s and Walt. Well realistically it’s probably no more than $69.995 Million after Uncle Jack bought himself that sweet sweater and Kenny the Nazi grabbed that bizarre blow-up massage chair. We all know Sharper Image charges about a half-barrel of cash for that crap so they likely made a small dent in it. Still, since the Nazi gang was somehow smart enough to run the meth empire for all of 6 months before getting themselves all killed, I’m betting they didn’t look much farther for a hiding spot then say under a loose floorboard in their Bin Laden-like compound. Maybe Jesse comes back for it all (doubt it), maybe the feds find it (possible), or maybe Skinny Pete and Badger get a tip from Jesse and start their own empire (yes!!).

 

While he’s no longer around, I’d like to think Walter White ultimately gets his cookies as multiple books emerge telling his story, including a feature film titled Heisenberg starring Danny McBride (Kenny Powers) as Walt and Seth Green as the role of Jesse Pinkman. Now that’s a sweet ending.

2 Comments

  1. I had pictured pretty much the first scenario for Jesse, given his love of the wilds (planned originally to go to Alaska, before finding out about the Brock thing). I could see him in Colorado, making those boxes and maybe visiting Gale’s still existing blog for vegan recipes to please his hippie girlfriend.

    Either that or he picks up drawing comics again and has “Rewindo” optioned for a movie and buys a spa in Palm Springs, naming his first child “Jane”.

    I figured that Junior would take his dough and buy a car dealership specializing in muscle cars. He becomes like Jay Leno and amasses a fleet of ‘Stangs and other vintage street rods. He is also hired to play the adult “Jimmy” from South Park in a movie of the SP kids as grown-ups.

    Skyler meets Wendy and they both become strippers in Vegas. Marie ends up alone, crazed and living with 100 cats.

    Saul is NOT disbarred, but changes his name back to McGill and starts a huge law firm based on class action suits over all the side effects from Viagra. Watch for his ads!

    Gretchen and Elliot make some bad investments and lose everything. They end up peddling meth and seeking funds from the foundation they started.

    As for Walt, it turns out he wasn’t really dead (“nobody zipped up a body bag”, as Cranston pointed out!), but patched up and put into WITSEC. He escapes, finds the money and goes into therapy with Jesse’s former NA counselor.

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