Occasionally, people may read my reviews (hey quit laughing…some people actually do!) and they¬†try to relate to my synopsis and understand why I have either approved or disapproved. As much as I like to think I know more about what makes a good film than others (which is completely disputable), the majority of it comes down to the viewer’s own experiences, prejudices, and life experience. Ebert & Roper hating Old School has more to do with them relating more to the Dean than Beanie or Mitch.

Instead of keeping you guessing about what demographic I fall into and where my “target audience” lies, I have relayed these comments about what others in my wheelhouse might think. I didn’t write them, but the point is that me and the guy who did write them are probably playing in the same league. Enjoy.

TOP 47 THOUGHTS FROM PEOPLE OUR AGE:

- A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles…

- I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need to drink to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they’ve invented the lighter?

- The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself.

- How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

- I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear
your computer history if you die.

- What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and
instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.

- My brother’s Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, “Cuz we beat you, and you hate us.” Classy, bro.

- Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.

- Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

- Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

- My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day “Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?” How the hell do I respond to that?

- I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

- You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

- I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually
becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it.

- Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

- Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.

- There is a great need for sarcasm font.

- Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn’t know what do to with it.

- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

- Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.

- Was learning cursive really necessary?

- Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.

- How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?

- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the
shower first and THEN turn on the water.

-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,and you can wear them forever.

- I would like to officially coin the phrase ‘catching the swine flu’ to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: “Dave caught the swine flu last night.”

- I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

- If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

- Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem….

- There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

- “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.

- I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

- When I meet a new girl, I’m terrified of mentioning something she hasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

- Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

- I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

- Bad decisions make good stories

- Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…

- I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

- Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every
year?

- I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

- I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

2 Comments

  1. Hmm… I read blogs on a similar topic, but i never visited your blog. I added it to favorites and i’ll be your constant reader.

  2. I added your blog to bookmarks. And i’ll read your articles more often!

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