As the wedding season kicks-off (or continues on for some), let us reflect back on a classic flick whose job was to teach about the “other” kind of wedding etiquette you don’t read about in books. Below are some highlights of the official “Wedding Crashers’ Code”. Take it to heart or don’t, either way you are forewarned. Happy Crashing!
Rule #1 – Never leave a fellow Crasher behind. Crashers take care of their own
Rule #2 – Never use your real name.
Rule #3 – Never confess.
Rule #4 – No one goes home alone.
Rule #5 – Never let a girl get between you and a fellow Crasher.
Rule #6 – Do not sit in the corner and sulk. It draws attention in a negative way. Draw attention to yourself, but on your own terms.
Rule #7 – Blend in by standing out.
Rule #8 – Be the life of the party.
Rule #9 – Whatever it takes to get in, get in.
Rule #10 – Invitations are for pussies.
Rule #11 – Sensitive is good.
Rule #12 – When it stops being fun, break something.
Rule #13 – Bridesmaids are desperate – console them.
Rule #14 – You’re a distant relative of a dead cousin.
Rule #15 – Fight the urge to tell the truth.
Rule #16 – Always have an up-to-date family tree.
Rule #18 – You love animals and children.
Rule #19 – Toast in the native language if you know the native language and have practiced the toast. Do not wing it.
Rule #22 – You have a wedding and a reception to seal the deal. Period. No overtime.
Rule #24 – If you get outted, leave calmly. Do not run.
Rule #25 – You understand she heard that but that’s not what you meant.
Rule #28 – Make sure there’s an open bar.
Rule #29 – Always be a team player. Everyone needs a little help now and again.
Rule #30 – Know the playbook so you can call an audible.
Rule #31 – If you call an audible, always make sure your fellow Crashers know.
Rule #32 – Don’t commit to a relative unless you’re absolutely sure that they have a pulse.
Rule #36 – Your favorite movie is “The English Patient“.
Rule #37 – At the reception, one hard drink or two beers max. A drunk crasher is a sloppy crasher.
Rule #38 – Never hit on the bride! It’s a one-way ticket to the pavement.
Rule #40 – Dance with old folks and the kids. The girls will think you’re “sweet.”
Rule #41 – If there is a cash bar, bring your fake war medals. You’ll never have to buy a drink.
Rule #43 – At the service, sit in the fifth row. It’s close enough to wedding party to seem like you’re an invited guest. Never sit in the back. The back row just smells like crashing.
Rule #45 – Always remember your fake name!
Rule #46 – The Rules of Wedding Crashing are sacred. Don’t sully them by “improvising.”
Rule #47 – You forgot your invitation in your rush to get to the church.
Rule #49 – Always work into the conversation: “Yeah, I have tons of money. But how does one buy happiness?”
Rule #50 – Be pensive! It draws out the “healer” in women.
Rule #52 – Tell any woman you’re interested in that you’d love to stay put but you promised to help out at the homeless shelter today.
Rule #53 – Get choked up during the service. The girls will think you’re “sensitive.” Bring a slice of onion or artificial tears if necessary.
Rule #55 – If pressed, tell people you’re related to Uncle John. Everyone has an Uncle John.
Rule #57 – When seeing a rival Crasher, do not interact – merely acknowledge each other with a tug on the earlobe and gracefully move on.
Rule #58 – The Ferrari’s in the shop.
Rule #59 – If two rival crashers pick the same girl, the crasher with the least seniority will respectfully yield.
Rule #60 – No “chicken dancing” – no exceptions.
Rule #61 – When crashing out of state, request permission from the local Wedding Crasher chapter.
Rule #62 – No more than two weddings a weekend. More and your game gets sloppy.
Rule #63 – Bring an extra umbrella when it rains. Courtesy opens more legs than charm.
Rule #65 – When your crash partner fails, you fail. No man is an island.
Rule #67 – Mix it up a little. You can’t always be the man with the haunted past.
Rule #68 – Dance with the Bride’s grandmother.
Rule #70 – Two shutouts in a row? It’s time to take a week off. Ask yourself: what is it that is getting in the way of my happiness?
Rule #71 – Research, research, research the wedding party. And when you are done researching, research some more.
Rule #74 – In case of emergency, refer to the rulebook.
Rule #76 – No excuses. Play like a champion.
Rule #78 – The unmarried female rabbi – is she fair game? Of course she is.
Rule #79 – The tables furthest from the kitchen always get served first.
Rule #83 – Don’t let the ring bearer bum your smokes. His parents may start to ask questions.
Rule #84 – Stay clear of the wedding planner. They may recognize you and start to wonder.
Rule #86 – Shoes say a lot about the man.
Rule #87 – Always choose large weddings. More choice. Easier to blend.
Rule #88 – You’re from out of town. ALWAYS.
Rule #89 – Know something about the place you say you are from. Texas is played out. For some reason, New Hampshire seems to work.
Rule #91 – Never dance to “What I Like About You.” It’s long past time to let that song go. Someone will request it at every wedding. Don’t dance to it. No matter how…
Rule #92 – Tell the bride’s friends and family that you are family of the groom and visa-versa.
Rule #93 – Only take one car. You never know when you’ll need to make a fast escape.
Rule #94 – Deep down, most people hate themselves. This knowledge is the key to most bedroom doors.
Rule #96 – Etiquette isn’t old-fashioned. It’s sexy.
Rule #98 – The newspaper Wedding Announcements are your racing form. Choose carefully.
Rule #99 – Be judicious with cologne. Citrus tones are best.
Rule #100 – Save the tuxes for “the big show” only.
Rule #101 – Avoid women who were psychology majors in college.
Rule #102 – No periwinkle colored ties, please.
Rule #108 – Know your swing and salsa dancing. Girls love to get twisted around.
Rule #109 – Always carry an assortment of place cards to match any wedding design.
Rule #110 – Make sure your magic trick and balloon animal skills are not rusty. If the kids love it, the girls will too.
Rule #111 – Never, ever reveal your true identity.
Rule #112 – Never walk away from a Crasher in a funny jacket.