Blades of Glory

Starring: Will Ferrell, Jon Heder, Will Arnett, Jenna Fischer

Movie Mind Says:  Add to Online Rental List

So if you have been reading these reviews, you should know by now that The Movie Mind leaves all the pretentiousness at the door and tries to enjoy a movie for what it is, mind-numbing humor or not. The problem is, there comes a point in time where a movie has to either be so stupid it is hilarious, or have some kind of intelligent wit. Unfortunately, Talladega Nights on Ice, I mean, Blades of Glory, has very little of either.

Forgive me for blaspheming Mr. Heder, but unless he is wearing dorky glasses and stumping for Pedro I don’t care to see a whole lot of him. As much as this was nowhere near one of Will Ferrell’s better performances, he still manages to severely outshine Heder.

Ferrell plays Chazz Michael Michaels, a cocky, big-mouthed skater who doesn’t fit the norm of what a skater should be. As if the role didn’t sound familiar enough, they even stole the name of Chazz Reinhold from Wedding Crashers and basically copied the same exact persona, only this time there is no hilarious twist to the character like cursing at his mom or crashing weddings. Michael Michaels is nearly identical to Ricky Bobby, outside of the redneck accent and fast car. They even goe so far as to take some of the exact same jokes and lines from other Ferrell movies and copy them right into this one.

When we go into a movie like this where the plot is clearly laid out for us up front (ie. Two rival ice skaters are stripped of their gold medals and permanently banned from singles skating, but thanks to a “loophole” in the system come back as the first all-male pairs team), we expect to be hurting from laughing so hard. As in Anchorman, where we could really care less what the underlying plot was, there was too much comedy to appreciate without watching it over and over again. Well this time The Movie Mind got a pretty clear idea of the comedic value in one sitting.

For all his die-hard fans out there, I truly hope Ferrell starts taking a closer look at his roles and which “dumber-for-having-watched-it” movies he takes on. I love those movies and roles as much as the next guy, but only when they are good. I haven’t really enjoyed a Ferrell movie since his short cameo in 2005 in Wedding Crashers. It says a lot that Ben Stiller passed up the role because he felt it was “too similar” to a lot of the other roles he has played. To top it off, Heder is certainly not Stiller, or Wilson, or Vaughn, and that glaring lack of chemistry showed here.

After providing that virtual-wedgie to my boy Will, I need to at least let the readers know there are a decent number of funny one-liners. At some moments I was laughing out loud, there were just not nearly enough of them. If you are a Ferrell fan, Blades still needs to be seen. If you are not, this movie certainly won’t convert you, but it may give you a quick laugh or two.

Maybe the problem lies in expectations. Set them very low going into Blades of Glory, and you may be slightly surprised. But expect anything remotely close to Old School, Zoolander, or Anchorman, and the tears of disappointment will soak your shoes.
Submitted 12-19-07

If You Like This You Should Watch:  Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Better Than:  Benchwarmers, A Night at the Roxbury
Worse Than:  Anchorman, Napoleon Dynamite

Memorable Quotes:
Chazz:
We’re gonna dance to one song, and one song only: “Lady Humps” by the Blackeyed Peas. “What you gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk? I’m a get you, get you drunk, get you drunk off my lady humps, my humps, my humps, my lovely lady humps.”

Chazz: I see you still look like a fifteen year old girl, but not hot.

Chazz: I’m a sex addict. It’s my cross to bear. It’s a real disease with doctors and medicine and everything!

Chazz: Troubled childhood? If you consider a 9 year old kid with a 35 year old girlfriend troubled.

Chazz: Nancy Kerrigan. You an official here? Cause you’ve officially given me a boner!

Chazz: I was on quaaludes, I don’t even REMEMBER Oslo.

Coach: What do you guys have that all other teams don’t have?
Chazz: Twin Dongs?

Chazz: But I remember Boston, and that victory was as sweet as the cream pie for which the town was named.

Jimmy: When I was eight, my dad had me get a circumcision to minimalize air resistance.

Hector: I totally want to cut off your skin and wear it to my birthday… It’s coming up…

Stranz: Not only did we embarrass Marky Mark, we let down the Funky Bunch.

Bryce: I’d fire you… if you weren’t so goddamn beautiful out there.

2 Comments

  1. Lies! This one is pretty funny … with one of the most hilariously surreal endings ever.

  2. I am definitely a fan of this one….Will Ferrel and Napolean Dynamite…awesome. *Gosh* get a sense of humor.

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