It’s amazing that the NFL still takes the high road when it comes to gambling on its game. All of the ESPN tlaking heads chastize the practice of gambling on football yet every one of the former mediocre players/coaches/GM’s-turned-talentless schills will make their “picks”…versus the point spread of course. They will all discuss Indy being a 5 1/2 point favorite in one breath and then spit on Tim Donaughey in the next. They will talk about covering the spread but still losing the game, yet make a case for keeping Pete Rose out of the HOF . Roger Goodell and David Stern all play the matyr, yet they also realize deep down that they would have about 30% of the viewing audience if gambling wasn’t rampant in their sports.
Gambling on sports has gone through a transformation in the past decade or so. While people always bet on games, it is no longer only through your “guy” or wacky Unlce Sevvy. Online gambling is massive and in the forefront and it only keeps getting bigger. Fantasy Sports, DirecTV’s NFL Sunday Ticket, office pools, and the increased availability of online gambling means on one way or another, the majority or people watching the Super Bowl will have some kind of underground financial outcome riding on the game…or maybe just how many times Kim Kardashian’s mug gets on TV.
With that in mind, I hope you take a look at some of the more comical, entertaining, and just plain weird proposition bets on the Super Bowl XLIV. It used to be that betting on the coin toss was considered crazy, now there’s something for everyone out there, whether it has to do with the game itself or not at all. If they don’t interest you or you don’t gamble, then I applaud you. But I’m willing to bet 5-1 that says something in this list will catch your eye!
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White Men Can’t Jump
- Sydney and Billy Ho take their hustle from Rucker Park all the way to the And-1 Bus tour, and realize their only
targets left are in the 50 & Over church leagues.
Office Space
- Lumburgh forms an Initech company softball team and in the championship game faces Intertrode. In the bottom of the ninth, Michael Bolten hits a two-out homerun, sings a Tupac ballad on his trot around the bases, as Samir screams from the dugout, “Naaagaa…naaggaa…naagganna win here anymore!” We learn that Lawrence has lived his dream without being a millionaire by in fact, doing two chicks at the same time.
Rounders
- Worm has earned a seat at the Final Table of the World Series of Poker, except loses big in a high stakes ring game the night before the finals and is forced to throw the main event as payment. We learn that Teddy KGB had been ejected during Day 1 for flinging his Oreo’s at Phil Helmuth’s face and threatening to end his life.
The Program
- Joe Kane is now offensive coordinator at ESU and the Wolfpack are in the hunt for the BCS title game. After getting blown out in their regular season finale by upstart Utah University, a non-BCS school, all but blowing their national title hopes, Kane gets hammered at the press conference and openly reveals that Coach Lattimer supplies his players with more juice than a Minute Maid factory.
Jerry Maguire
- That cute little kid is now a flame-throwing lefty coming out of high school in southern Cal and is a projected 1st rounder. In the biggest sports story of the year, he spurns Jerry Maguire, aka “dad”, to sign with Bob Sugar. He takes his $27 million signing bonus and tells Jerry he should have never messed with his mom.
Boogie Nights
- In the most amazing twist of fate, Dirk and Reed Rothchild are in the midst of an international tour for their single, “Feel feel feel…feel my heat”, which has been #1 on the Billboard charts for 72 consecutive weeks. Scotty has become an award winning Hollywood producer, the first to cross over from the porn industry and create legitimate blockbusters.
Cable Guy
- Chip Douglas has gotten out of his court mandated counseling program and just landed a new job as a caddy at a high class golf club. Needless to say, while some members are thoroughly impressed with his course acumen, they begin to worry when threats of him revealing their “real” handicaps comes back to haunt them.
Being John Malkovich
- Even though I can’t possibly think of a better character to build a movie around living inside their head than Malkovich, it does to bring to light some other possibilities of interest, such as “Being Joaquin Phoenix” or even “Been Chris Farley”.
Anchorman
- As we witness The Continued Legend of Ron Burgandy, we find Ron in the tail end of his career as an ESPN analyst. His timeless on-air fight with Stuart Scott (think: Boo-Yaa this bitch!) and multiple sexual harassment suits by Suzy Colburn have pushed him over to anchor-hell, also known as ESPN2. We watch in awe as Ron overcomes the loss of Baxter and gets control over his scotch obsession to mark the first time ESPN-“The Deuce” has ever reached #1 in the cable rankings, even beating its own parent station. In true Burgandy fashion, he delivers a final on-air, “Suck it Stuart Scott.”
Swingers
- Trent (Vince) owns a Vegas lounge, Mike (Favreau) was kicked out of the Friars’ Club for being the worst roaster they have ever had, and Sue has gotten his old “House of Pain” buddies a recurring gig at the Vegas look-alike singer revue. To be honest, I don’t care what the premise is as long as they get Vince and Favreau run wild again in Vegas and LA.
Groundhog Day
- This time it’s Cinco de Mayo, and while in Mexico filming a news spot on the increase in tequila imports, Phil (Bill Murray) finds himself waking up in a seedy Mexican brothel over and over again, only this time he actually chooses to just relive the same exact day for the rest of his life.
Old School & The Hangover
- In a perfect mesh of two all-time classic films which evoke some form of reminiscing of the good ol’ days, Mitch is getting hitched and the boys decide to throw him a little soirée in Vegas before the big 
day. Frank the Tank takes some time off as the Dean of Students and rounds up the old crew including his cousin, Alan (Zack Galifianakis) and his boys. After getting arrested for tax evasion, Beanie has been a concert acoustics consultant and is able to get the hook up for the big day.
Boiler Room
- Seth is back and after raking in a small fortune from his underground casino, and he decides to really gamble with his money by opening up his own Hedge Fund. He calls some of the old speed dialers and they all hit the phones hard, pitching crazy returns and can’t miss hits. They live the good life for about 2 years while flying under the radar until Seth is taken down by his longtime cash-cow and partner, Bernie Madoff.
Coming to America
- After going back to Zamunda and raising their son, Prince Akeem and Lisa McDowell. I mean- Princess Lisa, send him off to America to learn about American culture and find love. Played by Chris Rock, the boy has his share of adjusting and finds himself on a VH1 reality show trying to find the perfect match.
My Cousin Vinny
- Now a high-flying defense attorney, Vinny is hired for the high profile defense of an ex-football star who is charged with murdering his wife and her alleged lover. Vinny has to navigate his way through the LA law enforcement and corruption and decide whether or not he really believes his client or not.
Twins
- Michael Clark Duncan and Jackie Chan team up to find their real family. No seriously, that’s the whole movie.
Zoolander
- Derek and Matilda’s child is breaking onto the modeling scene and with revolutionary new looks: Solstice and Velveteen. After overcoming his uni-turner handicap, he becomes the hottest mannequin in the biz. Derek eventually has to bring his son back to earth by teaching him how there is more to life than being professionally good-looking.
Super Troopers
- The troop forms a local task force to nab Farva’s multinational bootleg DVD business. They need to collaborate with the feds and take him down despite the agents’ concerns that there is an inside man. Rabbit is the prime suspect, of course.
Along Came Polly
- Sandy Lyle opened his own insurance agency and specializes in providing risk management to child stars. Reuben and Polly try to fill his last void: a wife. But it’s not as easy as it seems when all the women he meets just want him to play those bagpipes.
Owning Mahowny
- Dan Mahowny completes his court ordered therapy and Gamblers Anonymous sessions and gets connected with the MIT Blackjack Team. He convinces them that playing against the house when you have a real advantage is defeating the purpose of gambling all together. His advice leads to the ultimate demise and bankruptcy of the MIT Blackjack Team.
Dear Santa:
All I want for Christmas is a competitive team to watch and root for on Sundays from September through January (February if I’m lucky, but I won’t push my luck). Instead, I am stuck with a wretched team that makes playing football for a living while making a fortune look like a dead-end office job for $40k a year. I am stuck with a brand-new General Manager who thinks, walks, talks, and acts like he invented the game of football and been christened the next “King of Football” by Bear Bryant, George Halas, Vince Lombardi and John Madden themselves. I am stuck with a new coach who was at the coordinator-level in the NFL for all of two seasons before being annointed the next brilliant Head Coach and all the while expecting grown men to bow at his feet before ever winning a game. Oh and by the way, he still hasn’t won a game. Santa, I am a Chiefs fan and I need your help.
I am a long-time Chiefs fan who traveled from NY to KC 2 weekends ago with my father for my first ever trip to KC. My dad, a life-long Giants fan, was probably rooting for the Chiefs as much I was but for different reasons. You see, he just wanted to see a competitive game at the least. I on the other hand had been dilusioned into thinking the Cheifs would pull off a miracle to annoint ME the great missing link in the Chiefs organization.
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